I sit here tonight full of emotion. Doing the work can take you very deep within yourself to a place you did not know existed, a dark corner that has never seen the light…and when you bring the light to that place you are setting free trapped emotions that have frozen you in time…emotions you never knew you held or felt . You have not known because this dark corner had escaped conscious awareness. How much you have suffered because of it. You can feel the pain that you have tucked away from sight…and yet you feel the release as the last remnants of shadow give way to the sudden brightness.
We forgive ourselves, if we forgive at all; last. Long after we have forgiven everyone else we harbour in our hearts the guilt of our transgression…for that is the hardest boundary to cross over.
As we learn by baby steps to take responsibility for our lives, as our understanding and awareness grows that we are truly responsible for everything in our lives we begin an inward journey that leads straight to the dark unexplored territory of our own minds. Eventually we come face to face with the truth…that we are responsible for EVERYTHING in our lives and therefore responsible for that one thing that you have held at arms distance, the one thing that you could not possibly be responsible for. The one thing that allows us to continue to blame others or otherness for our condition: so that we can create within us a false sense of perfection from the wrongness of another.
It is like grasping the straw upon the water because we think it will save us from drowning, so we hold onto it tightly…refusing stubbornly to let go… to break free …to end the cycle of sorrow which keeps us rooted so firmly in the illusion of the life we have created.
How can we forgive ourselves for doing that (whatever “that” might be) to ourselves? We seek some higher power to grant us forgiveness thinking that will satisfy our need to be exonerated from our deed. But a higher power has no need to forgive for it does not see anything but the perfection of our being.
We cannot let go of the straw even though it cannot save us, because we see only the death inherent in our actions. We grasped the straw in our death grip because we cannot see past death to our resurrection, to our liberation of spirit back into the oneness of all things.
We create those flaws so we can learn the deepest lesson of our lives: that forgiveness is imperative, that self-forgiveness is divine, that beyond our deathlike grip on selfhood lies our resurrection to the divine kingdom of all things…and that these words in this moment may not be your truth but in your own moment of your own choosing, in a moment of great courage, you will let go the straw and surrender to the light of your own perfection.
Thus the words of ho ‘oponopono:
I am sorry,
Please forgive me,
I love you.