There is a Door Inside of Me
Editor’s note. This is the recovery of one post we lost. Nick
There is a Door Inside of Me
© Nick Grimshawe
Inside of me is a door. The door separates the world inside from the world outside.
Ever since my birth my goal has been to open the door wide to let the light flood out even though I did not see the door then, I just instinctively knew of its existence.
Once in my life when I was about nineteen years old I managed to get the door half way open. I cannot tell you with words how that felt, except to say, the “I” disappeared and awareness created this huge space which encompassed all of my surroundings. That awareness which, I truly am, allowed things into that space, or didn’t allow, entirely by will. I lived in a state of bliss for several days until the door swung closed on me again.
Since then, if I put my shoulder hard against the door and pushed with all my might until the sweat pops out upon my brow, I might force the door to open just a crack, enough to let some light (love) spill out.
I have been pushing against that door for a very long time now, not just the short window of one life time. The door is ancient; there are cracks around the frame. Light streams out from underneath. The hinges are rusty and brittle.
Yet still does it bar The Way
The door is made of nothing.
The door is made up of “I” my “ego”. The door is built of sticks and stones of fears, of hurts, of pain, of “my” possessions but most of all the fear of dissolution. The tide of light flowing out through the open door way would wash “I” away in a sea of inspiration, a sea of bliss, a sea of joy.
“I” cannot sustain the flood.”I” would drown. “I” would die.
I have proof, I believe, of this supposition.
This morning on our walk, Felix, Emma and me, found a different world. Like the inundation of the Nile in ancient Egypt, the Fraser River was at crest which flooded the land closest to the river. The flood transformed unused scrub land into watery marsh which teamed with life. Ducks and Geese splashed about. Salmon swam around in their new playground, and Eagles watch them swim with a hungry eye. Blackbirds flitted about and the swallows skimmed low over the water. Herons stood at the waters edge looking at their reflections.
The power of the door within me weakened as I took in the scene.
A hawk soared on a thermal up to the puffy white clouds into another blue sea.
A cloud moving across the sun transformed the visual into the sun sweeping across a green field of wheat.
I think of all the transformations before me.
I think of the grub and the butterfly.
I do not have to push against the door to open it.
I think of my purpose: to inspire. Not to inspire through, or to inspire with, but simply to inspire.
I feel the joy bubble up from the infinite source within me.
How do I sustain something that powerful for the rest of my life?
That is the fear that holds the door shut.
It is not an accident that the logo for Beautiful Summer Morning shows a door wide open to summer with a sense of being called forth, to come out and play.
Summer morning is about potential, about all the things that are possible in the dance of life, of all things that are waiting to happen waiting for the summer afternoon, to be manifested, to find transformation, to be the confirmation of the promise.
We each have a door. The door cannot be forced open.
Mine is open quite wide in this moment. But I still have a Kamagra Gold door.
The transformation I seek is to turn my door into a doorway, through which love can pass unhindered.
What is it you seek? How may I help?
Nick
Spirituality, love, light, nature, transformations, manifesting, doorway,
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